I handed over my American Express business card and cringed as I signed on the dotted line.
White feathers floated through the air, shedding from the BCBG dress I was sporting, I steadied myself on the 6 inch stilettos I was rocking, trying not to let the champage go to my head.
The night had not gone as planed. And the torrential rain was symbolic of how I felt in inside.
The bouncers hastily urged me to pull down my Soul Carrier step and repeat, and I rolled my eyes, annoyed that I had just paid a lot of money to host a huge party, and they couldn’t even give me a few minutes to wrap up.
Sunday is one year since I got way too ahead of myself. Sunday is one year since I was forced to personally ask the question, I want to inspire everyone else to ask themselves, “Where do you want to go!? And can you be authentic to the journey it takes to get there!?”
I look back at my relaunch party at Maya and I shake my head. I shake it hard because I was not being authentic to where I actually was in my Soul Carrier journey.
There were so many things that were out of alignment. There were so many things that were NOT authentic to what I want Soul Carrier to stand for.
On the surface, we shined, we shined VERY bright. We looked like we had rolled out of a scene from Lauren Conrad’s “The Hills” or some Bravo reality show. Hair blown out. Makeup professionally done. A step and repeat, a bunch of film interns following me as if I really did have a reality show. It was glitz and glamor. Or what I like to call lots of frosting and barely any cake.
Family members and friends approached me with their concerns and I snapped at their comments. I had worked hard for this night, or so I thought, and they were raining on my parade.
Don’t get me wrong, I love a good party, nice things and a life that is dipped in luxury. I love hosting, entertaining and throwing big events….BUT….
BUT at its core I want Soul Carrier to stand for authenticity, getting people to answer the question “Where do you want to go!?, and being an example of showing up and playing bigger than any circumstance life could throw at you.
That party had all the elements of looking incredible on the surface, with no foundation to back it up.
We live in a world that places so much value and weight on surface appearances and aesthetics, and tends to skip over integrity, character, and solid foundations. And I got distracted and fell ill to placing more weight on “image” over a foundation.
I was in no place to be throwing a huge re-launch party. I had only days earlier found my manufacturer in Leon. I had just pulled together my new website and I was still going through the growing pains of building a team and finding my way around managing all that.
But throw a party I did! And after the champagne wore off, the heels were put aside, and it was time to face what I had just done, I realized where I had strayed.
I wasn’t being genuine, to the stage, Soul Carrier, actually was at. I was ignoring my intuition and the gut feeling that I should not be throwing a lavish party at that point in time. I was diluting the greater vision I had for Soul Carrier, for a weak moment of frivolous extravaganza. I was not answering the question I was trying to inspire everyone else to ask.
I have huge goals for Soul Carrier and they span way beyond handbags and accessories. And yet, every time I try and fast track to the other-side of success, fate has a way of knocking me down so I can humbly learn a lesson.
I truly feel that my soul was called to this earth to learn the lessons of patience, the lesson of not comparing my life to someone else, or comparing my level of success to theirs, the lesson of being authentic even when it hurts, the lesson of understanding where my value and worth actually resides.
So although the party caused massive migraines the weeks following November 23rd, 2013, it also gave me an opportunity to learn some vital lessons.
This Sunday, the 23rd, I am going to the be the speaker at the National Charity League’s Mother Daughter tea. The lessons from last year’s party will definitely be sprinkled into the speech I will be delivering to the tea.
Those Soul Lessons Are:
I have to honestly answer where I, Jennifer Paige Boonlorn, wants to go – and NOT get swayed by where everyone else is pushing me to go.
I have to be authentic to my journey — not someone else’s journey.
I have to show up, work hard, and do my part. But I also have to be patient that my timing is not God’s timing. And there is a lesson to learn in the waiting. What was that tattoo I just got “Itadakimasu”!? I must learn to humbly receive — even receive the length of time, it takes to make this dream a reality.
I have to honor my intuition above the white noise.
I have to stop getting starry-eyed at all that sparkles and shines, aka the fast track to success, aka fame and glamour, and instead value a solid-sustainable foundation and the journey it takes to build that foundation.
So when Sunday rolls around, I am going to put those stilettos back on, sip some tea instead of champagne, and walk out onto that stage and own the journey the past year has afforded me.
As we are winding down on 2014 I encourage you to do the same. What lessons have you learned this year? What mistakes can you own and humbly view as an opportunity for growth?
Where did you sacrifice, where you wanted to go, for the shiny-sparkling distraction, that threw you off course?
It is never to late to answer the question “Where do I want to go!?” It is never to late to learn, to grow, to push yourself towards making your goals a reality.
To the never ending journey. To being authentic. To figuring out where you want to go and then moving towards that vision.