For a very long time I have attached my worth and value to being the “YES” girl, the one who will take on every request, agree to every opportunity, and cringes when she has to deliver the word “no” when it comes to collaborating, getting together or asking someone to leave the Soul Carrier team.
It is not a healthy character trait and my energy levels often are depleted because of it. I hate feeling guilty, however, I have come to realize guilt is self-induced. I am not a victim, no one has a gun to my head, I have FREE WILL and I have CHOICE!!! The guilt creeps in because I have cemented the idea that if I say “No”, and I am not a super achiever who does it ALL, than my worth and value will diminish. RIDICULOUS!
My worth is grounded in the fact that I exist. Something far greater than myself wanted me on this planet to carry out a greater purpose, to contribute and to serve. I often get chills thinking about my dad laying on the side of I-10 screaming blood curdling screams as his body lay trapped in the twisted metal of our family’s SUV. I stood on the side of the freeway watching in horror as paramedics used the jaws of life to lift him from the car. My mother was already dead, and I stood there, having survived that accident with my sister Jaime, completely unharmed!
God had a plan and it wasn’t my time to go on that fateful day back in May 2000 when He took both my parents. My human mind will never understand His plan for taking them so early in my life. However, the one piece I can take away from that day is that I am still here for a reason, a purpose, and to carry out a greater cause. We ALL are here for that! We all have a purpose! And we must not confuse people pleasing and being able to take on every task, request, or demand as our access to love, worthiness and value.
I love this quote by Frederic LaLoux: “The ultimate goal in life is not to be successful or loved, but to become the truest expression of ourselves, to live into authentic selfhood, to honor our birthright gifts and callings, and be of service to humanity and our world.”
I have for far too long collapsed the idea of service with self sacrifice and giving until there is nothing left to give. I have “served” under the guise of wanting to gain value, worth, acceptance and love. But if I am to live into authentic self-hood and deliver on my birthright gifts, that means finding balance, as well as finding peace in being able to graciously and gracefully say “No”.
So today as memories of my parent’s accident come flooding over me, and huge tear drops splash down on my key board as I turn down requests and invitations; I breathe in a huge sigh of relief as I make a commitment to myself to let go of performing, saying yes when my intuition is pushing for NO and to ultimately know that my worth and value were never attached to being a YES girl who does it all in the first place!
I want to serve, to contribute and make a positive impact upon humanity, but not because my worth and value rely on it. My identify is in something far greater: the magic of existence and that God wanted me placed on this planet at this very moment in time!!! So nothing I DO or DON’T do can ever alter that value and worth.
Can you embrace the discomfort of saying an authentic “no”, over the instant gratification, and high, that comes with people pleasing when saying “Yes”?
Can you be true to YOUR soul over performing and keeping everyone happy?
Can you live out your greater purpose and stay true to YOUR true north versus being pulled in in every direction other than the one you want to go!?
Can you JUST be YOU in this very moment and be completely at peace with it? For remember your value and worth are already in tack…there is nothing else you have to do to gain more value. You are here. You are a live. YOU ARE WORTHY! That is all there is to it.
This is the sound of a living heart. Signing off with love!
PS. Cameron gave me this document on being of service. It is a game changer regarding my outlook on serving and fulfilling on my authentic self.